Project Runway

Episode: Death by Shrug

PR is most definitely a guilty pleasure, but since J removed the TV from the basement, it now sits on my dresser in our room where there is no cable. I don't even know why I like the show. I'm not into fashion, most of the time I don't get the designers' point of view or just think their designs are ugly. I hate Hiedi Klum because she is not an Ugly Mom. Maybe I like it because average/talented/freaky people have an opportunity to pursue their passion.

This is my PSA for fellow ugly moms, because you may be a mom to a girl who aspires to be an ugly mom just like you OR you may have to join the NRA (sorry Nicole) and prop your 12 gauge by the front door for when the boys start a callin.' In most cases your daughter(s) will be both of these things. I was akward and uncomfortable in my own skin at 14. What's the crowd doing? I'll do that, so I fit in. Taylor (happy 14th girlie!) may very well grow up to be an ugly mom, but she'll be a whole lot prettier inside and out doing it.

She's sure of who she is, where she came from and where she's going (well sortof, most of the time). She's easily distracted (thanks J) and LOVES to read. She's not embarassed to take her Harry Potter lunch box to High School. She sings beautifully and lights up a room with her smile and wit. She can easily act like a goofball with her friends or with the 10 year olds on the street. To see her through the years, check out last year's tribute to the new teenager.

Ok, back to the PSA. Ugly Moms, lube up your sewing machines or find a BFF who majored in fashion design. My sewing education consists of 2 years spent under the tutelage of Mrs. Spang, my 7th and 8th grade Home Ec teacher at CCMS. She was every bit the quintesential Home Ec teacher clipped right out of the pages of a 1950's Sears and Roebuck advertisement for vacuum cleaners, though she was rumored to drive around town on a Harley. We learned how to set a table, what all those forks are for, how to plan a meal, how to cook a meal, and how to put out a grease fire. We also had to become licensed to operate Singer sewing machines. My 7th grade project was a drawstring bag, which was still in use as our Duplo block bag until very recently; 8th grade, green apron. That's it my friends.

I borrowed a sewing machine to make Taylor's Madeline costume in kindergarten. My first garment made using a pattern was Lydia's Dorothy costume in 2003, followed by Cinderella in '04 and Alice in '05. Surprisingly enough, if you follow the pattern, the dress/costume/whatever will look great... from a distance.

Now that Taylor is in high school, we have a plethera of school events to look forward to. First and foremost Homecoming. She decided she wanted to go (I was secretly thinking of alternative b-day plans to whisk her away for the weekend, but J said "NO" - shocker). Most of her friends are going dateless (yay!), so she's having 6 girlfriends over for dinner before the dance.

Buying a modest dress for any body type is impossible. I guess if you live in Utah you'll have better luck, but anywhere else in the country, if it's formal, it's strapless or halter or hello-so-high or too tight or gaudy or all of the above. I didn't want to spend a lot and it had to be practical enough to wear to church (I AM SUCH AN UGLY MOM). Most of the sites I checked out that YW often use to order dresses were WAY to pricey. So, I went with my good friend Target. Thank you Target for always being there. It's strappy, so my quick fix plan A - buy a shrug, plan B - have a friend make a shrug, plan C - make a shrug, plan D - make a shrug and buy a back up shrug in case it looks like a 5 year old made the shrug.

Plan D it is. And while I thought I was being oh so thrifty, it adds up ladies, but it's not too bad for the whole ensemble (of course, I did buy her cute earrings, but said NO to the bracelet - that's $15 in the trip fund)

Dress: $45

Shoes: $25 (plus $5 for a babysitter while we went power shoe shopping)

Fabric: $7.34

Back up shrug: $25

Pattern: $5.99

Time: 27 hours x sweat shop rates = $27.00

A modestly dressed teen: Priceless

FLASHBACK...
The first time I went to Homecoming I was a sophmore and my date was J. I wore a cute dark green velvet dress that I'm sure wouldn't fit my left thigh today. It was 1990 and my hair reflected the era quite nicely thank you very much. We went to a fancy dinner with my friend Jess and her date who was a junior and could drive. He picked us up in a old cc 1979 Chevy van, which may or may not have had curtains. How on earth my parents were cool with their 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend getting in that and leaving for the night, is beyond me.

When we got to the restuarant, Jess needed some help with her bra or her strapless dress or something, so I climbed around in the back of the van to help her out. At some point, rip!!!!! The slit of my already scandalously short mini dress was now up to my rear. We went to the bathroom where Jess and I stayed for about 30 minutes trying the fix the dress. I'm sure J has no recollection of this event. Jess actually had safety pins in her purse, but the best way to fix it was to take the dress off to have her pin it. Hopefully there were no security cameras. I opted to stay in the stall to hide my near nakedness. Her quick fix was perfect. She saved the night. She did however manage to make the alteration on the sink vanity, in a puddle of water leaving a nice watermark on the front of the dress, but at least no one saw my underwear that night.

My point is that you will undoubtedly have to alter or create a dress(es) in order for your teenaged darling daughter to be dressed fashionably modest and age appropriately.

I found this dress pattern that had a shrug to go with it that was exactly what I was looking for. It required 4 pieces for the outer part and 4 pieces for the lining. Yes, my friends. I made a fully lined little jacket. And it fits Taylor. And it is cute. And it is not finished, yet.

The first step is cutting out the pattern. That was a piece of cake, though I wasn't sure about fit, because the smallest size on the pattern was a 6. Taylor's size 2 dress is a little big, so I was worried the shrug would be too big. I didn't want to mess with any attempts at altering the pattern which surely would have left me with a shrug that would fit Gaby. Cut pieces. Done. Iron pieces. CRAP! Note to self: must be very careful when ironing tafetta. Repin pattern, recut pattern. CRAP! Note to self: must check fabric to make sure there are no flaws, prior to cutting. Repin pattern, recut pattern. Third time's a charm. It pieced together without too much difficulty. All that is left is attaching the sleeve lining to the top of the sleeve, and since you won't see that part, it doesn't have to look good, which it won't. I probably should take a basic sewing class at the local community college and learn what a slipstitch, understitch and easestitch is and how you make them and how they are different. Even my novice abilities I am very impressed with my finished shrug (it's "fierce") and I would stand by it on the runway.

Auf Wiedersehen!