You can dress us up…

…but generally it’s not a good idea to take us out.

We went to a wedding this weekend.  It was lovely.  We probably don’t belong at places that are lovely.

Taylor started a real job a few weeks ago, baggin’ groceries at the local grocery store, following in her daddy’s footsteps.  We’re so proud, really we are!  I’m having heart palpitations over sending her into the big wide world next year and it’s high time she grew up… some… a little.  Since she’s new to having a job and not really one to ask lots of questions about how things work and such, she did not successfully request the day off for my cousin’s wedding that we have been planning to go to since they got engaged last year.

Thankfully she was scheduled 8-2; wedding is in Des Moines which is a little over 2 hours away, and it’s not until 5:30.  Plenty of time.  Of course, this was not my first reaction, where I went a little crazy in the middle of Hy Vee (place of her employment) when she told me she had to work.  I later apologized for my rant and general tantrum throwing.

Plan A was to pick her up and drive to our hotel check in and have everybody change and then head to the wedding.  After some thought on how realistic that was going to be, I quickly moved on to Plan B, where everyone had to be dressed in their finery upon leaving our house.  I can tell you how thrilled Lydia was about that.  She was thrilled.

Picked up Taylor, a wedding card (because I plan ahead like that) and 4AA batteries for a dying Leapster AND got a compliment from a nice old lady who told me, “You look really pretty,” as I was running in heels out of the store.

Daniel our trusty English accented Garmin sidekick successfully got us to our hotel by 4:17pm.  We checked in, let Taylor change and visited Monka and Nana a bit.  Our hotel happened to be hosting a wedding right then and the ceremony was outside directly below M & N’s room.  As soon as the bride got down the aisle to her groom, Owen said, “Hurry up and kiss already!”  Sadly we couldn’t stick around to see ‘the kiss.’

For anyone who has been to Iowa in the summer, the weather is often hot and humid, but the day could not have been more beautiful.  Sunny skies and no humidity.  We briefly chatted with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins before making our way to our seats.  I cannot walk in heels and do anything else that requires thought, so I nearly broke my ankle twice walking down the flagstone walkway while trying to wave to family. 

Beau and Joanna have been together for 7 years which is about how long we’ve lived in Iowa.  We’ve gotten to know her pretty well through all the family gatherings.  The first time we met her was at a Fourth of July BBQ at my parents.  She played with my kids and seemed very at ease with all of us Blanchards.  Those were the things that stood out to me, and the fact that she was so pretty.  Beau reminds me a lot of my brother.  The Blanchard genes run strong among the first born Blanchard boys.  Matt, Beau and Michael are similar in many ways, from looks to mannerisms to love of sports.  I couldn’t help but think back to Matt’s wedding during this ceremony.  I was a blubbering fool at his wedding, because I was so happy for him.  He had found the perfect woman for him in Deb; and Beau has found that in Joanna.

We arrived at the reception venue without incident.  Then everyone had to go to the bathroom.  Lydia and Owen and I head to the Women’s restroom.  Jerry was supervising the grandparents (mine, not Monka and Nana) and I still don’t quite feel comfortable sending Owen into Men’s room all by himself.  I’m in a stall with Owen supervising and all of sudden there is water flowing into our stall.  My first thought was someone (I’m not related to, since we were really in a restaurant bathroom, not the reception area bathroom) really had to go and missed, then I hear Gaby start yelling.  Oh geez.  Public overflowing toilets are just gross and wrong.  I’m stuck in the stall imagining Gaby’s dress soaked with, well, you know.  Thankfully she evacuated the stall quickly without harm.  A good hand washing and warning to the next woman entering the restroom and we were out of there.

During the cocktail hour my kids discovered a love of gouda.  Gaby camped out next to the cheese and would have stuffed her pockets as we left for the dinner had she had any pockets - her cheeks and fists were bulging.

When we sat down at dinner, my kids were instantly mesmerized by the place settings.  After a quick tutorial on what fork to use when, Owen and Lydia had some game going involving stacking coffee cups.  Gaby wanted to touch each of the butter balls.  And apparently the abundance of silverware put Taylor over the edge, as well.  I think it’s time to revisit the manners section in Parenting for Dummies, I must have skipped that chapter. 

About half way through dinner at the reception, Lydia bursts into a huge smile and starts giggling.  She leans over and says, “I forgot to take my shorts off.”  Remember that whole part about her being thrilled to travel dressed up?  So, she’s looking ever so proper in her formal wear with electric blue running shorts on underneath.  Near the end of the reception my dad’s cousin got all the remaining kids going in a dance to “Takin’ Care of Business,” which involved a lot of clapping, pounding the floor, laying on the floor, and kicking the air while laying on the floor.  Lydia was grateful for the shorts.

During the toasts, my kids started playing with the champagne flutes.  I have no idea what happened, but Owen flung/dropped his on the ground and I commenced crawling around (in between toasts) to pick up shards of glass that are precariously close to the dance floor.  When I’m not under our table (or the table next to ours) collecting glass, I’m consoling Owen.  He’s crying loudly, “I’m going to be in so much trouble!”  Jerry eventually notifies the staff and a nice young fellow saves the day with a broom.  I’m still terrified that someone is going to step on a stray piece of glass, so I use a table napkin to sweep the area.  Which Owen then later uses to wipe his face.

And speaking of napkins, the beautifully decorated tables had little tea light candles set all around.  Lydia somehow managed to burn her napkin in the flame.  On purpose?  Maybe.  She was sitting closer to Jerry, so I’ll blame that one on him.  And just as cake is being served *clink* another champagne flute bites the dust. 

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Beau Blanchard,

We really enjoyed your wedding.  And even though no one at table 11 touched the champagne, things did get a little bit rowdy.  Please feel free to send a bill for 2 champagne flutes and a purple satin napkin to us.  (I’m pretty sure no one saw us in the downstairs restroom, and that really wasn’t technically our fault anyway.)  Have a wonderful time on your honeymoon.

Love,

The Kilgores

 

The dancing was fun.  At one point Gaby (who refused to dance, she would only sway), pulled on my arm and said, “Now we’re twins!”  It took me awhile to notice she had stuck a sticky pearl from a place card on her forehead.  My kids are ever reminding me of (one of) my least favorite features, a mole on my forehead.  Yep, Gaby seems to be most fascinated by it and once she started drawing people, always included my dot, which according to her drawings was more like a second head.

The night was winding down.  Owen crashed around 10:30, so Jerry took him back to the hotel.  We partied on until close to midnight, which is way past my bedtime.  My cousin’s wife and I repeatedly said, “I’m too old for this.”  There weren’t many slow songs, but I got each of the girls to dance with my cousins who are delightful.  I love them and love the fact that my kids have these pseudo-cousins of mine.  I should probably dedicate a post to Aaron-Jacob-Caleb and their awesomeness. 

                 

And, and I slow danced with my dad.  I’m 36 years old and I don’t think I ever did that before.  I thought we must have at my brother’s wedding, but he didn’t think so.  I love you, dad.

And there you have it.  Plenty of reasons why you should think twice about inviting us to your wedding.